Amazing Mayzie...not so Amazing Rachel...

Know what? Take my car away from me. Honestly...I just don't deserve it.

Now I know what a few of you are thinking..."what pole did she crash it into this time?" "what median did she hit?" "did she finally hit a child? we knew it was coming...". nope. dumber than that stuff. ready for it? ok...so, Daneel and I were going to the Liquor Store (ugly Saturday) and then to Panago which is across the street from the Liquor Store to get our pizza. Well, I had just parked at the Liquor store and remembered that I needed my I.D. out of my wallet. So, I reached down to grab my purse which was on the floor beside Daneel. When I did this, all of the crap in my purse fell onto the floor, and so I had to search around for my wallet. I got it, took out the I.D., closed my LOCKED car door, and proceeded to go into the Liquor Store without my purse because I didn't need it. We got our Bailey's (yeah bitch) and started to walk across the street to Panago. I stopped. I touched my hand to my pocket. I said "Where are my keys?". Daneel looked at me. I looked at Daneel. We both looked at the car. I said "No way, I have to use the remote to lock the car". Daneel said "...I'm going to go run and grab the pizza, you go back into the store to look for your keys. Maybe you left them on the counter". I went to check. No keys. I ran across the street to the Panago, told Daneel this, she looked at me disbelievingly and I ran back to the Liquor Store. Then I ran to my car and looked in the window. I couldn't see my purse. I ran back to Panago and told Daneel again. Neither of us could figure it out. Feeling like an idiot, I called Jay (who was at my house) to come and get us. While Daneel and I sat in Panago eating our pizza and drinking out of the 2 litre bottle of pop, I expected to see Jay coming around the corner to pick us up. I had hoped that we could just drive back with the spare set of keys and that I wouldn't have to tell my Dad this stupidly embarassing story. Guess again. Who comes to the rescue? My dad. Thank God he knows his daughter has a tendancy to be an idiot and he wasn't angry. He just gave me that "Oh Rachel" look, that I am quite used to by the way, and handed me over the spare set of keys. My originals were in my purse on the floor of my car. Honestly. Take the car away. I either crash it or I do dumb shit with it. *sigh*
Oh and Daneel and I can't play Rock Paper Scissors together we discovered. We picked the same one every time. Best out of three? Good luck. It would take hours. (What about McDonald's?). How close are we? 11 minutes? We're there.
This blog is SO long. And I'm tired. I am getting better however...more focused. So you all should be proud.
I love you all.
An out-of-the-blue chat with Evan today was so wonderful, and a surprise phonecall from my Cuff (even though I missed it!!) made my night. Next time we'll actually talk, my dear.

Love feeling!

I'm going to go to bed now.
Just in case you were curious.

Mission Statement

Procrastination. No more. Now that these two essays are out of the way and can be forgotten, I have decided to start anew....and stop letting myself give in to temptation, to gain some will-power and to focus on school more. Afterall, why am I going there if not to improve? I feel that in some aspects I've improved my performance skills since the beginning of the year...but that progression has simply stopped because I really haven't been focussing on the important tasks at hand. I am now going to work harder, even at aspects of the program that I don't feel I need to work at (THEORY) because by doing at least some of the homework, I know that I will feel better about the class and will have accomplished something. I really feel like I've hit a lull in my progression as an actor, and I want to keep working and pushing myself.
Addicting MSN.
Now, this will be most difficult and I don't expect it to be gone in one night or just vanish because I've said my newest mission statement. Instead, I will be slowly weaning (good word Rachel) my way off of staying up on here until all hours of the night. Self control. It'll be good for me. It'll be very difficult, but good for me.
It will be hard to not be in as much contact with some people (Cuffer...webcam...earlier...or call me) but there are always emails, and I love a good email from the people I love! So please, keep me included in conversations somehow, and don't ignore the "hard worker". It's not like I don't want to talk to any of you (Moses no...I'm a chatter-bug), I just need to start focussing more. Afterall, my dear boys will be coming here "soon" (not soon enough) and what better way to reward all of my new hard work than by hanging out with you all for as much time as possible? Also, Dinkle you and I talked about this...the more we work during the week, the more we actually DESERVE the lazy Sundays. (just like with the crap food. we need to save it).
I will still be on MSN, it's inevitable, but earlier conversations and will-power!! Very important.
I need to be kept sane and be stopped from missing you all terribly, which I already do now for quite a few of you, so I will for sure be online. I'll just make the most of the shorter time that I will be on.
Man. I sound grown up.
Alright mission statement. Don't fail me now.
"Day One...."

Procrastination. You Rock.

Yep. It's 4:04. In the morning. I have to wake up in 4 hours. I'm very excited.
Extremely short blog because I am extremely tired.

My favorite quotes:

"[You're watching out for] me. Coming right at you with both arms flung open.
And you know as soon as they close, they aren't opening again until you step on that plane".

"(this is the part of the night where I make sure no one downstairs can see that I've got tears in my eyes....)"
.....me too.....

A (Day)Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

It's been a couple nights since my last post. But, it's part of me attempting to keep myself off of this blasted thing known as the computer.

I've been feeling kind of down lately...not as much as emotionally down as actually weighted down, which is odd for me because I usually feel light as a feather. Maybe that's a problem though. Monologue night left me feeling lighter, but a daydream that I had during the rehersal of it broke my heart because I knew there was no way that it could come true. And that really hurt. It still hurts, the more I think about it. See, now this is where insecurities that I've always had come into play. See, when I love someone, I really truly love them...I go all out. Now, I'm talking about a friend love (or a One love) here, not about "true love". I have yet to experience that. But, with friends...when I love them, I'll let them know as much as I can just how much they mean to me because I always seem to have an endless capacity for telling them how great they are. This is because I have truly been blessed with the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and so, I find it very simple to praise my friends with love and compliments as much as I can. However, I quite often worry that I over-do things, and that my friends may become intimidated or put off by the amount of blabbing on and on that I do about my feelings towards them. (Haha which I am kind of doing now). This worries me, because it's not meant to be overbearing. It's just that once I start, I find it hard to stop, so it often seems overbearing. But I sure don't mean it that way. (Insecure, yes? For sure, yes). The last thing I ever want to do is to drive a friend away because I love them too much...or rather, seem clingy because I tell them just exactly how much they mean to me. I don't know. This may seem odd to some of you, but it's quite real for me. There are several friends whom I cannot get enough of, and have so much love for. And so, I tell them, hoping (and mostly knowing) how they feel in return. And even though I know that the feelings are returned, I hope that I don't repeat myself too often so that it becomes monotonous and loses its meaning. Just know that my love is always there and is always so strong. I've been told I have a big heart....and I agree. And, as completely cheesy as this may sound, there's a lot of love in this heart. And you're gonna know it.
Blah blah blah. Rachel. Shut up.

Please recognize this as not depressed in the slightest, just wistful. This whole thing was brought on by a simple wish that my heart made that would be too good to be true. Yep, wistful for sure.

Congrats, fellow first years, on a Monologue Night that was fantastic.
Tentatively, I enter.
Just in case you were curious.

Earth to Rachel...Go To Sleep!!

I need to stop doing this. But it's so DIFFICULT! I've been staying up way too late on this stupid computer, but I want to keep in touch with all of my most important people. What a dilemma. Hey everyone, be online earlier, ok? This girl sucks at signing off of this thing.
Short and sweet.
I really need to sleep.


Clayton...don't ever do that to me again. I love you more than Judaism, my One.

(Sup best friend? Thank you for the talk...)

Dinkle...the fly got under the keyboard's keys. I'm gonna scream again.

Kisses.

Look For The Bee

Random day. Don't knock 'em.

Maybe it was the combination of the 4 hours I had at home today inbetween school, the shopping, the hot tub, the piano piano piano and then the watching the webcam of my friend while he's talking to me through a microphone coming through over the speakers of my computer while talking to Daneel on the phone and then holding the mic up to the phone so that I could hear Daneel even though we were talking on MSN anyways *getting air* that made my day feel quite detatched. Nothing felt connected. Yes, life is a series of moments, but today's moments seemed to be very separated from each other. It's hard to believe that I did what I did all in one day today. And I didn't even do all that much.

Everyone at school had dreams about everyone last night. So odd but I love it. Mine was extremely odd....it consisted of us doing The Secret Garden on a stage built to look like a ship with 2 Barbies sitting front and centre in 80's clothing that I bought at the adult section of this huge department store and then Blake being the only one on stage but everyone's voice coming out of his mouth. Honestly...today was bound to be a detatched day.

There have been so many emotions flying around lately....friend's emotions, my emotions, everyone's emotions...and this is more-so than usual. I have been having really weird feelings myself lately and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with them yet. Let's just say that just as my day was detatched today, I too am feeling that way...detatched from everything. For one thing, I need to be more focussed on school...I'm starting to slack and I can feel it and it's not a good feeling at all. But there's more to my detatched feeling than school. And I need to fix that...but I don't know how.

Anyways, one thing that I do know for sure is....

Hoja: Rock, Paper, Scissors.

A fantastic album made by my fantastic friends. Everyone should pick up a copy when it's released because I don't think that I'm allowed to burn a copy. Unless that rule was for Hoja members only...hmmm. Anyways, pick up a copy if you can because it's gorgeous.

That's all for this mediocre blog for now.
High ffffff---iiii-----ffiii-------ffffiiivvv----ffiivveeee--!

Smile...

Morning coffees when we should be in class (honest...I meant to go...I couldn't find my keys for a good 20 minutes this morning and as it turns out, they were in the ignition of my car all along. I honestly shouldn't own a car...good job Rachel...good thing I'm not a doofus...), great hugs all through the day from so many people, great monologue work, awesome feedback and ideas from Tim, a "wonderful" rehersal, which was made more fun by olives, faces across the table, a certain someone being "annoying" right beside me, and paper clip rings, then having my voicemail on my cell changed yet again by my One (it's hilarious and I love it...babe...it's a MONTH...airport..AHH), and to top it all off, doing dumb DUMB stuff in the webcam to get some laughs and another wonderful late night undecisive chat. (...c'mon moon...).

All around, a great day.
(Hello my Cuff. Missed you today.)

I ate a brownie today that only had 3 grams of fat in it.
Well actually only 1.5 grams of fat because I had half of it.
And I decided that brownies need fat in them.
Just in case you were curious.

Stuck In The Middle With You

Well damn.

That's all there is to it. That pretty much sums up the day from beginning to end. Now, not all "well damn" exclamations are terrible. Some mean "surprising", some mean "confusing", some mean "that's awesome!", but...there are the ones that actually mean something not so happy.

Middle.

Piss.

I'll Be Seeing You...

MY GIRL IS HOME!! Hooray!
My last relaxing day at home was completed with SO much happiness!! Well...happiness and crying because I have been introduced to The Notebook and let me tell you...bawling. It's amazing and every girl in the world should see it...and every "mushy" boy should as well.

Seeing videos of the boys today made me so homesick for you all. It was beyond wonderful to see you all and to hear you singing away, but my heart strings were definitley being pulled at. I miss you all very much...the gorgeous voices, the guitar playing...just move to Edmonton. Honest. Please? It's not difficult. Hey best friend. We missed our late late late night chat today. I wish we had had one...that would have completed the day perfectly. The heart shaped cookies...you don't know how much love I felt pouring out of that box when I opened it. That was the best surprise ever. (I've already eaten about 10 of them). Thank you from the bottom of my heart......shaped cookie. *"our" face*

Daneel's home!!

A wonderful and relaxing 5 day week completed...and it flew by...but it finished on the highest of notes. Who knew that there was so much happiness waiting for me at the bus station? Wait...I knew! I love you, girl. Welcome back.

Love to all.
I'll be seeing you.

Jealous? Bih-chuhzzz. TOTE!

A day that was going to start at about 3:00pm today ended up starting at around 6:00pm. Jason, don't apoligize. It's your car that should say he's sorry! We had fun none the less...gotta love the Bits and Bites and how well they function as a hat!

A lovely message and speaker phone conversation from my dears in SASKatoon. It's so wonderful to hear from you guys. And to be able to see you too! The wonders of modern technology.

And here I am, 4:25 am...after just finishing one of the LONGEST and most enjoyable MSN conversations ever. Hello best friend. I love you and our long long chat. Next time I won't be the Edmonton mute, I promise, and then you'll be able to hear the stupid things that I say, instead of just seeing me mouth them. *insert Rachel face* :o) So many things that I could list off from this chat for us to remember...but I think the title of this blog does it justice. Mwah!

Time to sleep for what's left of the night.
I get to see my girl...well...TODAY! Welcome almost home.

Love.

Goodnight Moon

A quiet day again. A webcam, my first sent text-message to my darling girl and getting 2 in return, an amazingly beautiful letter from my One, and another marvelous late-night chat..."Sailor Jupiter stays strong, smiles, and awaits the seemingly unattainable moon".

Love love, Clay.

Rinkle loves her Dinkle.

Hello best friend.

Goodnight moon....

Where Have All The Camels Gone?

Hello thrilling day, how are you?

Yes, another semi-lazy day around the house. However, Jay came over and we wrote the best song in the world on the piano. What started out to be a raindrop song evolved into a medley of "Sweet Dreams", you know, that catchy techno song from the 80's, the "Pink Panther" theme, "Take Me or Leave Me", "1,000 Miles", and the Rugrats theme song. Let me tell you, more creative genius has never been compiled into 20 minutes of random piano playing. Go us, Jay. For serious.

I'm missing my little chiquita!! By the way love, I got your message on my phone today and it made me smile to hear from you, but sad to hear the tone in your voice...the tone of missing a Rinkle. I also read your blog and you are the sweetest girl in the world. I love you and I miss you! I most definitley have that same tone in my voice...the tone of missing a Dinkle. (Haha, if Cuffer is reading this, remember our sexual inuendo discussion? Yeah...me too...). But my darling girl, I miss you very much and I hope that I get to hear from you tomorrow! I'm sure that you had a very busy day today and I hope that all is going well.
I'm sending my love to Check and Cuffer if you're reading this, but I'm sending NO love if you're not.
Shout-outs to Balzer as well! Look at that, kid. Your first blog mention. I told you I'd mention you!

I dyed my hair today...and got it cut as well. Died...dyed. Idunno but I colored it. It's quite a bit darker...a shade darker than my natural dark brown, so almost black, but it also has a little tone of red to it so that whenever it catches the light, it shines with a hint of burgandy. Daneel...it looks almost the same as your hair color! And I have side bangs too. They don't look like yours, but I didn't want to be a total copier. Oh and there were no worries when it came to the amount of dye that the hairdresser had to use, but let me tell you, it made it a lot less interesting. :op

As completely thrilling as this blog is, I must end it here. Shucks, I know.
Didn't talk to Clayton today. Thanks for that you jerk. Call me once in a while. Honestly.

I predict that tomorrow will be comprised of nothingness as well. But I'm cool with that. We never have days off, and it's not like I'd rather be in SASKatoon with those losers that I call my friends. (Hello best friend). Thank goodness they're keeping Daneel out of my hair for 5 days, and thank EXTRA goodness that she's keeping them occupied so that I don't have to see them either. Man I'm thankful. I wish I had a halo.

Just watched "Dogma".
*Team America voice* "Matt Damon".
Just incase you were curious.

It Feels Like Home To Me

Aaron Check. I want you to know that the fact that you suggested to come and get me on your day off made me feel so incredibly special and loved. It made my week. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for just mentioning it, it honestly means so much. Mwah! Love you.

Now that I've talked to Check and Cuff and my girl Daneel, I am feeling so homesick for you all and wish that I could see you all this very minute. I miss you all so much and talking to you made it even more difficult to deal with! But, I know that the guys are in good hands and I know that Daneel is in good hands as well. Just don't have too much fun without me.

Today was thrilling, let me tell you. Woke up at 1:00, talked to Clayton (which I loved, don't get me wrong), ate some "breakfast" (it was 1:00pm), watched TV (which I haven't done in forever), ate some more...and more...and more...talked to Daneel which was awesome, ate some more...sat on my butt....talked on the computer...ate more, then finished the boring day with a wonderful chat with my dears in SASKatoon.
(If this blog isn't just the most exciting thing in the world, then I don't know what is. Thank you all for sticking with it thus far. I can't promise that it will get better).
Hey, sillies...stop worrying about my drunk driving comment in my last blog, p.s.
It was a total joke. I'm sorry for all of you who are worried about it, but I just said it because I might as well have been drunk when I did it because it's such a stupid thing to do. No worries. Drinking and driving do not fall onto my "To Do" list. Love you all for the concern though!

Oh! I decided something today. "Don't settle". I decided that quite often it is difficult to decide what defines the word "settle", and everyone needs to decide it for themselves. Well, today I decided what my interpretation of it is, and I'm ready to move on. I was comparing things in my head and all of a sudden, a looming thought (and comparison) that has been in my mind for some time, just stuck out, and I said to myself, "screw it". (Clay, Jay, Dinkle...you all should be proud. I hope you know what I'm referring to). Really, what's the point? I can't think of one anymore. Relationships work on different levels and you can't force a certain level into a relationship. I'm just kind of surprised that it's taken me this long to figure this one out. And so, onwards and upwards...and I hope that that isn't easier said than done, although I'm sure it is. But I'm going to try. Wish me luck.
There's a fine, fine line, between a lover and a friend...
("There's A Fine, Fine Line" from Avenue Q. Listen to it. I highly reccommend it).

Well, there's two sides of the spectrum on love in this blog tonight...the wonderful, unconditional love that's shared between friends, and the kind of love that needs to be refined. I hope that everyone reading this knows which category they fall into.
"Love..is a many splendid thing, love...lifts us up where we belong...all you need is love!".

...drinking a diet coke. 3rd one of the day.
just incase you were curious.

Umbrella

Today started like any other...going to the mall instead of to English, getting Starbucks, opening an umbrella indoors. That moved on to class...class....class. Then dropping Blake off at the airport and having one last Rachel and Daneel day for a little while and driving her to the Greyhound station. I have said many goodbyes at that Greyhound station, and every one of those goodbyes have been to people going to SASKatoon. Hey, SASKatoon! Stop stealing my friends, damn it. However, I think that the "opening the umbrella indoors" kind of set the rest of my day. Everyone knows that opening an umbrella inside is considered bad luck, right? Well, I'd have to agree with everyone. Nothing really went wrong today...besides the umbrella pinching and drawing blood from my finger before I'd even opened the damn thing and me spilling SCALDING HOT SOUP ALL OVER MY HAND AT LUNCH TODAY! That one hurt for a good hour. And I had to endure that pain with the equal if not greater pain of Theory class. Burning hand, a sleeve that smelled like Minestrone and Harmonic Minor scales. Appealing, yes? No. However, Daneel and I made some funny funny videos today for the Hojans (and remember boys, I expect wonderful videos in return).

Today I learned that Daneel was in Scouts (with the Scott Nout), Minestrone soup from the cafe REALLY isn't worth it and when in doubt, always get a salad, that girls can break tables just as easily as guys, that Jason really DOES change everything that ends in "oo" to "Jew", that Clayton can fake being sick so well that he convinces his body that he actually is sick and then develops flu-like syptoms (hypochondriac, anyone? your turn!), that Check and I really are the masters of sarcastic fighting and should never be toiled with, and lastly, I learned that both shit and misunderstandings happen, but that it is important to figure out what went wrong and try to fix it...jumping to conclusions is the worst possible method to solving anything. I already knew that, but it's important, so why not Blog it?

I'm eating a huge bowl of pasta and sauce right now.
Just incase you were curious.

Button Up Your Overcoat

Today was an odd one, for some reason. Not a whole lot happened during the school day, besides watching the end of Angels In America and me being the only one that got the jokes when the Jewish guy screwed up in a prayer. I laughed. Whatever, it's Jewish humor, ok? We're not all Jerry Seinfeld. Oh and not to mention THEORY. Jason....M-O-U-S-E.
Well, again with the "party shmarty". Today, Daneel and I decided to go...you guessed it...shopping. And I bought my second winter jacket in 2 days. I can't help it. We ditched out on some Monday night drinking that was going on. We like being anti-social. We're social together and that's all that matters. Even though we're the same person. Schitzophrenic. Good word.
Clayton told me to write about him. But I don't know what to write. Because it's too much of a chore. I don't want to be forced to write about him. So I won't. Deal with it. It got cold in Toronto today. It was minus 1 and windy. And Clayton's coughing. That's about it. We're for sure going to Miami in December. I head out for Toronto on the 16th and then we head to Miami on the 17th. Don't worry everyone, I'll bring back awesome presents.
Except for Cuffer. Ovaries, Cuff. Think about it.
Oh and for Check...I'll buy an umbrella. "Is that...is that...rain...??"
I'm scared of Cuff. He's a rebel. A new piercing and a new attitude. I can just feel it. Maybe it's good that I'm not going to SASKatoon. He might beat me up. Or worse, make Jewish jokes and make fun of my faith. Oh wait....too late.
Blog Blog Blog. All that I can say now is that it's getting continually closer to the time that Daneel is leaving and I ain't happy about it! Not to mention the fact that it's getting closer to the time when she'll get to see the guys and I won't. That's such a bugger. I'm sorry Mayzie. So sorry. Stupid pole. Stupid drunk driving. I need to stop that. And Daneel needs to stop hot-boxing Mayzie as well. High, drunk, a pole and 2 giggling girls. That's either porn or the makings of a dented car. Or both...
Better blog tomorrow. I promise. More will happen.
Love.

How I Love Sundays

The only way to spend a Sunday, is a lazy way. This marks the second lazy sunday and let me tell you, I'm for it! Who needs to go to a party on a Saturday night, even? I know that I would much rather be a "lazy-ugly-girl-who-doesn't-have-a-date-on-a-saturday-night-and-must-drink-away-my-sorrows". And who better to do that with than my fellow fan of the lazy sunday, Daneel! I fully love how we always want to, or don't want to, do the same things all the time. We're the same person. I love you! Sleeping until forever, eating until forever, watching DVD after DVD and falling asleep continuously through them, having the largest breakfast of all time, having vats of chinese food for dinner, having car wash adventures, being yelled at by the gas pump, camera, camera, camera. I tell ya, there's no better way to spend a weekend. Not to mention ending the whole thing with another wonderful hot-tub, some hot chocolate (without Bailey's, but we have to save it for our sad girl nights), and a rousing game of Strip Jack Naked. Which I got beat at. Damn it card games. Oh well. Party shmarty.

Cuffer..."Hello best friend". You may win (amazingly) at Pi-Diddle, at Spit and at pretty much everything else that we've attempted, but I still love you, and I forgive you for constantly beating a girl at everything. But you know what, man? It gets kind of rude after a while. So watch it next time, ok? Let me win for once. This isn't cool. I love you and all but seriously, get some manners. And I expect heart shaped cookies at some point in time. If I ever see you again that is...(sad face). Happy Birthday you shmuck.

Well, that's a pretty good first blog, I think. Some final comments....
Clayton, I love you and I miss you incredibly.
Jason, I love you and "take good care of yourself..."
Daneel, really, what can I say besides "silent laugh" and "in space"?. I love you!
Cuffer, I love you. Stop winning or I'll punch you in the ovaries.

Shalom.

Clayton...

is pretty. So pretty. Hooray.

Oh My God!...Daneel!!

Look at Rachel. With a blog.