A (Day)Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes
It's been a couple nights since my last post. But, it's part of me attempting to keep myself off of this blasted thing known as the computer.
I've been feeling kind of down lately...not as much as emotionally down as actually weighted down, which is odd for me because I usually feel light as a feather. Maybe that's a problem though. Monologue night left me feeling lighter, but a daydream that I had during the rehersal of it broke my heart because I knew there was no way that it could come true. And that really hurt. It still hurts, the more I think about it. See, now this is where insecurities that I've always had come into play. See, when I love someone, I really truly love them...I go all out. Now, I'm talking about a friend love (or a One love) here, not about "true love". I have yet to experience that. But, with friends...when I love them, I'll let them know as much as I can just how much they mean to me because I always seem to have an endless capacity for telling them how great they are. This is because I have truly been blessed with the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and so, I find it very simple to praise my friends with love and compliments as much as I can. However, I quite often worry that I over-do things, and that my friends may become intimidated or put off by the amount of blabbing on and on that I do about my feelings towards them. (Haha which I am kind of doing now). This worries me, because it's not meant to be overbearing. It's just that once I start, I find it hard to stop, so it often seems overbearing. But I sure don't mean it that way. (Insecure, yes? For sure, yes). The last thing I ever want to do is to drive a friend away because I love them too much...or rather, seem clingy because I tell them just exactly how much they mean to me. I don't know. This may seem odd to some of you, but it's quite real for me. There are several friends whom I cannot get enough of, and have so much love for. And so, I tell them, hoping (and mostly knowing) how they feel in return. And even though I know that the feelings are returned, I hope that I don't repeat myself too often so that it becomes monotonous and loses its meaning. Just know that my love is always there and is always so strong. I've been told I have a big heart....and I agree. And, as completely cheesy as this may sound, there's a lot of love in this heart. And you're gonna know it.
Blah blah blah. Rachel. Shut up.
Please recognize this as not depressed in the slightest, just wistful. This whole thing was brought on by a simple wish that my heart made that would be too good to be true. Yep, wistful for sure.
Congrats, fellow first years, on a Monologue Night that was fantastic.
Tentatively, I enter.
Just in case you were curious.
I've been feeling kind of down lately...not as much as emotionally down as actually weighted down, which is odd for me because I usually feel light as a feather. Maybe that's a problem though. Monologue night left me feeling lighter, but a daydream that I had during the rehersal of it broke my heart because I knew there was no way that it could come true. And that really hurt. It still hurts, the more I think about it. See, now this is where insecurities that I've always had come into play. See, when I love someone, I really truly love them...I go all out. Now, I'm talking about a friend love (or a One love) here, not about "true love". I have yet to experience that. But, with friends...when I love them, I'll let them know as much as I can just how much they mean to me because I always seem to have an endless capacity for telling them how great they are. This is because I have truly been blessed with the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and so, I find it very simple to praise my friends with love and compliments as much as I can. However, I quite often worry that I over-do things, and that my friends may become intimidated or put off by the amount of blabbing on and on that I do about my feelings towards them. (Haha which I am kind of doing now). This worries me, because it's not meant to be overbearing. It's just that once I start, I find it hard to stop, so it often seems overbearing. But I sure don't mean it that way. (Insecure, yes? For sure, yes). The last thing I ever want to do is to drive a friend away because I love them too much...or rather, seem clingy because I tell them just exactly how much they mean to me. I don't know. This may seem odd to some of you, but it's quite real for me. There are several friends whom I cannot get enough of, and have so much love for. And so, I tell them, hoping (and mostly knowing) how they feel in return. And even though I know that the feelings are returned, I hope that I don't repeat myself too often so that it becomes monotonous and loses its meaning. Just know that my love is always there and is always so strong. I've been told I have a big heart....and I agree. And, as completely cheesy as this may sound, there's a lot of love in this heart. And you're gonna know it.
Blah blah blah. Rachel. Shut up.
Please recognize this as not depressed in the slightest, just wistful. This whole thing was brought on by a simple wish that my heart made that would be too good to be true. Yep, wistful for sure.
Congrats, fellow first years, on a Monologue Night that was fantastic.
Tentatively, I enter.
Just in case you were curious.
posted by Rae at 12:00 AM
2 Comments:
Well hi there,
Firstly, I must say, lovin' the blog, but now, on to the main topic... The Friendly Lovey Dovey's. Personally, I don't think you have got one thing to worry about because there hasn't been a time where a friend of mine has told me how much they care and I responded by feeling overwhelmed or in an awkward way. It's never happened when I've said anything to my friends either, so I consider it a safe zone. It's the things like that that can make someone's day so much more better. I say spread the love. Spread it like peanut butter and never stop because I think it must be appreciated all over. Who doesn't love love?
I don't know, that's what I think lady, but you keep writing because I love readin' it!
Keep your chin up!
All I have to say is... we ARE the same person... insecure inschmacure... that one sucked but i tried... anyways point is... I love you, you love me, i won't stop sayin it, i won't stop feelin it, so let's just go drink hot chocolate and get drunk. xoxo
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