I'm A "Sick-y"

In some ways, today kinda sucked a little. But in others, it was awesome. (By other ways, I mean Daneel. Duhh. Sims instead of party. Yay for being a sicky and not going out tonight. I love us, Pumpernickle #1. How do we always have such a good time doing nothing?). The ways that today sucked were because I'm still quite sick, my voice is totally shot and my nose will not leave me alone. All during dance today I was sniffling and having to run back and forth from my kleenex box on the side of the room to the rest of the dance class. Such a pain. Good dance though. I didn't get to sing in Mock Vocal lab today because I sounded like a frog, so I sat through everyone's songs coughing, wheezing (not really) and blowing my nose whenever there was applause. I'm sure you all sounded great today, but my ears were so plugged up that I found it quite difficult to hear anything properly. Yep so those parts of the day sucked. On a brighter note, theory was only an hour today and I didn't do that badly on the little test thing. Oh and p.s., NyQuil kicks the shit out of you and leaves you tired for hours on end after you wake up. Believe me, I know. And it's not the kind of tired like "oh I didn't get enough sleep"...it's the "every ounce of energy in my body has actually left me" kind of tired. Not good. But, Daneel and I had an awesome night playing Sims...(where's Rachel?) and a marvelous phone call from my Cuff was wonderful to have.

So...I have a bit of a dilemma. My heart is strange. And I can't seem to decide on anything for very long, in terms of my heart. Underlying feelings are always there, but my mind shifts very suddenly in terms of my original and seemingly "correct" decisions. It's very annoying. This isn't saying that I take back anything of what I've said in the past or what I've felt in the past. As I said before, there are always these remaining "base" feelings. Just that, I always second guess myself and as many of you know, I am incredibly indecisive. I hope that this isn't hurting anyone because I'm not saying it for that purpose. Maybe I'm scared of committment...? No, I don't think that's it. But that's what is sounds like, doesn't it? One minute I have certain feelings for someone, and then another minute, the feelings may be totally gone. Maybe it takes a few days but for some people, the feelings go away. Not in all cases. Wow I'm articulate, huh? What I'm trying to say is that I can't seem to stick to any one thing for a long amount of time. The inital rush of feelings towards someone quite often die away quite quickly. This is in terms of "feelings", not friendships...no worrying, please. My friends are held dear to my heart at all times...it's, well, crushes that I have a bigger issue with. And this has just started and it's very annoying. I wish my heart would just settle down and let me decide on one thing for a longer amount of time.
Does this make ANY sense to any of you out there? Honestly feel free to say no because I'm not even sure that it makes sense to me. I tried my hardest to get it out there (that's what HE said) but I'm not sure if it's all that clear. Ask me and I'll try to explain it better. I'm on DayQuil and NyQuil right now so things are a little muddled.
In summary, I'm awesome with my love for my friends (it's unconditional and does not fade easily), but my feelings for my crushes - lately - have had a tendancy to be short and choppy. It didn't used to be that way, but it is now.
Yep. Idunno why I bother, haha. I don't even know who really wants to know this stuff. It's just been on my mind lately and has been bothering me. Oh well.

Quote of the night: "Best Friends Means: driving wherever and whenever at whatever time of the year to do absolutely nothing and absolutely everything at the same time".
- Brennan "Cuffer" Cuff
Couldn't have said it better myself.


My right eye is extremely itchy.
And no matter how much I rub it, it won't stop itching.
Just in case you were curious.