Casper The Friendly Ghost
Do you ever feel like you have unfinished buisness? Have you ever let things drag on for far too long and not done anything to change or to stop it? Have you ever left anything go on for SO long that you don't know where to start to make it better, and attempting to make it better becomes awkward and feels pathetic because you have left something drag on and on and on?
Me too. And that's what I'm feeling right now, actually, for a couple of reasons. One of my friends called me a couple months back because she and her boyfriend broke up and she was devastated. She called my cell completely upset; I got a message that broke my heart...but I never called her back. It's not that I didn't care, or didn't worry, or didn't want to help her out, it's just that I never got my butt in gear to call her back because I got very busy. Which is the lamest excuse ever because how hard is it to call your friend to see if she's ok? I honestly don't know why I didn't call and I've been thinking about it ever since it happened. She called once here a little while ago but I wasn't home and, again, I didn't call her back. This is a girl who I've been friends with since 7th grade and we've always been there for each other. I don't know how to make it better. Actually that's a stupid lie because of course I do - - I call her.
Little things like this plague my mind all the time because I care about my friends so much, even when I don't do little things like call them to show it. It's one of my downfalls, for sure. I hope that my friends know how much I care for them, I just don't pick up the phone and call people as much as I should and I make them do all of the work for staying in touch. I don't do this conciously, it just always ends up that way. Well, most of the time anyways. I know I should fix it, I know how to fix it, and I know I should just shut up about it and DO it. But I don't. I don't always like the phone, that's one of the things. I love MSN and I love both sending and recieving emails from friends, but the phone isn't always my choice for contact (unless it's to establish plans for the night). When people call me it's not like I'd just hang up on them or something, but when I'm the one doing the contacting, my first choice will be to see if they're on MSN and if they're not, I'll send them an email to see how they're doing or to tell them that I miss them. I will pick up the phone once in a while if I'm going crazy and want to talk to someone and, don't get me wrong, friends have called and we've had the most wonderful and meaningful phone conversations, but the computer always is the first choice. Hearing someone's voice is wonderful at times and I'm grateful that people call me to see how I am...just know that I'll do the same in email form. This is all coming from a place inside me that knows that I need to keep in contact with my friends more.
This is rambling, and long, and there are things on my mind that I know I need to fix, and know how to fix, I just don't want to go about actually having to fix them because of the consiquences (in one case) and because I'm too proud to write someone a thank you letter from my birthday.
Ghosts are around because of "unfinished buisness",
hence the blog title.
Just in case you were curious.
Me too. And that's what I'm feeling right now, actually, for a couple of reasons. One of my friends called me a couple months back because she and her boyfriend broke up and she was devastated. She called my cell completely upset; I got a message that broke my heart...but I never called her back. It's not that I didn't care, or didn't worry, or didn't want to help her out, it's just that I never got my butt in gear to call her back because I got very busy. Which is the lamest excuse ever because how hard is it to call your friend to see if she's ok? I honestly don't know why I didn't call and I've been thinking about it ever since it happened. She called once here a little while ago but I wasn't home and, again, I didn't call her back. This is a girl who I've been friends with since 7th grade and we've always been there for each other. I don't know how to make it better. Actually that's a stupid lie because of course I do - - I call her.
Little things like this plague my mind all the time because I care about my friends so much, even when I don't do little things like call them to show it. It's one of my downfalls, for sure. I hope that my friends know how much I care for them, I just don't pick up the phone and call people as much as I should and I make them do all of the work for staying in touch. I don't do this conciously, it just always ends up that way. Well, most of the time anyways. I know I should fix it, I know how to fix it, and I know I should just shut up about it and DO it. But I don't. I don't always like the phone, that's one of the things. I love MSN and I love both sending and recieving emails from friends, but the phone isn't always my choice for contact (unless it's to establish plans for the night). When people call me it's not like I'd just hang up on them or something, but when I'm the one doing the contacting, my first choice will be to see if they're on MSN and if they're not, I'll send them an email to see how they're doing or to tell them that I miss them. I will pick up the phone once in a while if I'm going crazy and want to talk to someone and, don't get me wrong, friends have called and we've had the most wonderful and meaningful phone conversations, but the computer always is the first choice. Hearing someone's voice is wonderful at times and I'm grateful that people call me to see how I am...just know that I'll do the same in email form. This is all coming from a place inside me that knows that I need to keep in contact with my friends more.
This is rambling, and long, and there are things on my mind that I know I need to fix, and know how to fix, I just don't want to go about actually having to fix them because of the consiquences (in one case) and because I'm too proud to write someone a thank you letter from my birthday.
Ghosts are around because of "unfinished buisness",
hence the blog title.
Just in case you were curious.
posted by Rae at 10:25 PM
3 Comments:
Do you have your friend's email address?
I called an old friend last night that I'm really bad at staying in touch with, and I'm really glad I did.
Friends that love you understand your weaknesses-- I'm really bad at remembering to call and at returning calls too.
The other thought is that if you want to see how she's doing, then it becomes about her. You don't have to worry about feeling awkward if you're focussed on pouring love into your friend.
Just some friendly advice.
Being the youngest, I rarely get to give sisterly advice.
So I'm practicing on you.
Just in case you were... in need of advice. ;)
It seems to be the performer in all of us. We get so busy with our own lives (ahem.. rehearsals and such) that it is not as if we are trying to forget about other people, but yet it often still seems to happen. I don't think that there is a single person who isn't a culprit. At one time or another. But Vanessa is right, just like you were once when you gave me some advice. No matter the distance (time or space) that you have spent apart, a single phone call can do wonders.
It seems like my life is always an unfinished business mess. Busimess if you will. But think about where we would be if we didn't have someone calling us every once in a while to say hi? Doesn't it make your day? It feels even better to know that you made someone elses day.
Love and hugs my baby!
Daneel often tells me that you and I are the same person, and I definitely see it in the things you write. It's kinda creepy when you think about it... but so cool.
I'm the same way as you, that initial effort of picking up the phone and dialing those numbers can just be so hard sometimes... but maybe someday we'll figure it out... hopefully.
Keep your chin up doll!
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