I Want A Party With Roomfulls of Laughter

"When it rains, it pours"...one of my favorite sayings because I experience it often. It's strange how life can be a desert one minute and an ocean the next: you feel as though you can see everything and know what's coming, how it will affect you and how you will deal with it... then all of a sudden, you're swamped with things you're not prepared for, too many things start happening all at once and you don't know where to focus. Desert = seeing life, Ocean = random shit (like fish, for the sake of metaphor) coming at you and not knowing which way to turn. Why are the only surprises that ACTUALLY surprise me the ones that make me confused and upset and a total mess? I'm not for it. I would like a healthy mixture of control and surprises...GOOD surprises...which, more often than not, won't happen.
I made the title of this blog what it is for a few reasons. #1 it never happens; my parties always turn into drama-fests because none of my friends get along and I hate it. #2 I'm obsessed with the Harry Connick Jr. CD that Jay let me burn from him #3 I want my life to be a bit easier for a while. Surprises and drama have filled it quite constantly, whether it be collected in my thoughts or whether they appear in my everyday life; I'm ready to visit the desert. I want things back the way they used to be. I want to feel the way that I used to feel - secure, whole, not worried about the future. Going back to school would help that, yes, but going back to the basics would help that more. I hope you know what I'm talking about.

Settling on one thought right now would change everything. Both have their consiquences. I don't know which to choose and I don't know if I will choose either. I hate sitting on the fence - it truly is very uncomfortable.
I need to know whether it's worry or true.

In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.
Except for tomorrow....c'mon Starbucks...
Just in case you were curious.

Summertime and the Livin' Is (Actually) Easy

In January, I wrote a little blog that went something like this...(I cut a few things out because it was just SO long)...

Back to the grindestone.
Back to politics.
Back to friends.
Back to singing.
Back to stressing.
Back to acting.
Back to napping.
Back to knitting.
Back to gossip.
Back to the stage.
Back to fights.
Back to mooching.
Back to egos.
Back to inside jokes.
Back to anticipation.
Back to procrastination.
Back to the couches.
Back to exhaustion.
Back to random.
Back to awkward.
Back to A.
Back to B.
Back to us.

Now it's strange that we're not going back to some of those things. I mean we still have friends, inside jokes, exhaustion, egos and "random", but we don't really have things like the couches, the stage and even stressing to go back to. (We'll always stress out, but it won't be that lovely "group stressing" when we all get together to bitch about how much CRAP we have to do in our final week of school, for example). The stage is the main one for me. I hope that this lull in my acting is only temporary because I don't think that I could stand to not be on stage. Not gonna lie, I'm looking to Tim to help me back on stage for now - I honestly love that man! He's always been a great help, so hopefully this time is no different.
We've had our Musical Review, we've sung No Day But Today (with fewer tears than I anticipated), we've walked - sorry - "Fosse'd" down the stage at Commencement, and for some of us, leapt onto Timothy F. to give him a huge hug. So now what? It hasn't totally sunk in that this is now the rest of my life; there's no school to bookend this summer and that is a very strange thought. Now, summer ends when the season changes. For the first time in 14 years, I won't be going back to school in September. That initially made me excited, but now it makes me nervous. I'm not going to rush back into things though - I need some time to live an actual life! But hopefully one that isn't completely bereft of theatre.
Our last 2 weeks were hell/amazing/so much fun/the most stressful time of LIFE. And now, there's nothing. I think that might be why it hasn't hit me - we did so much and now I'm actually allowed to have time to sit on my butt and do nothing. I can't believe we did it, guys. Congratulations!

I'd better get a good tan this summer.
That and I'd better be in the Fringe.
I'm hungry.
Just in case you were curious.