Make 'Em Laugh...

I have to surround myself with happy, laughing people for the majority of my day because that is how I am...happy, laughing and pretty much always perky. Sometimes, I realize that my throat hurts because I've been laughing so hard; even if I've just been out for a couple of hours, my throat can BURN and I can lose my voice because all I've been doing is laughing and laughing and laughing. I am extremely lucky to have 2 very close friends who constantly make me laugh and thinking about it tonight, I realized I never laugh more than when I am with them. We truly are ALWAYS laughing, but I know that we can also talk, because we have and often do. It's a perfect mix...with just so much laughter...I love you both SO much. And so does Captain Seagull.


I downloaded LimeWire last night.
I missed downloading music for free.
Almost every song that I downloaded had to do with forks.
A lot of it could be in my head, though,
Because I see forks everywhere, all of the time.
Some of them were songs that I knew would make me think of forks
And some of them just happened to be about forks.
I had hoped that the songs would make the spoons feel less lonely.
...it didn't work.
Just in case you were curious.

They Say It's Spring

Driving to the Mayfield this morning, I found a CD that April made for me when all of my CDs were stolen last year. I'd never listened to it before, but she had written the artists, like Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday on the CD and I was in the mood for some classics. It was a beautiful morning and continues to be a beautiful day and it only added to the light, happy, dreaming mood that I'm quite guilty of feeling...

They say it's spring, this feeling light as a feather.
They say this thing, this magic that we share together
Came with the weather too.
They say it's May that's made me daft as a daisy.
It's May, they say, that gave the whole world this crazy heavenly hazy view...
They say it's spring, yet to me,
this must be something more than a seasonal thing...


I know that it's summer.
Just in case you were curious.

Out Tonight (and every night)

Well holy crap, it's about damn time that I had a social life again. I am finally able to see Clay AND Josh and have been doing so since Saturday night. I love it so much; this is starting to feel like yet another wonderful summer of spending too much money, going out every night until all hours of the night and then waking up the next afternoon only to begin again. Work is going really well; my friend Sarah (we started on the same day) got engaged IN the store today. Her boyfriend came from the back in a Starbucks' apron holding a saucer with a mug on it, filled with espresso beans, with the ring ontop. Another partner distracted her so that she wouldn't see him and then he tapped her on the arm, she turned around, was speechless and he got down on one knee. I didn't know it was coming (the other partners on the floor did though), but I totally teared up HARDCORE and so did Sydney (the partner who did the distracting). It was awesome. That's our second partner engagement in 3 days! (No, her boyfriend isn't a partner, he's just sweet like that). I took pictures of her all day and we made our Barista sign say "Your Barista, Sarah, just got engaged!" and we drew hearts all over. Yeah, we're lame like that, but it was SUCH a gorgeous moment.
What else to tell? Basically, it's a good thing that I got new batteries for my camera because we've been taking pictures non-stop since Saturday. Hubbys, I love you both so much...I love the overload :)
My cell is kind of fixed; now it works 80% of the time, rather than 50% of the time. I eat way too much...a random fact I know, but seriously I'm always friggen hungry. It's lame. But not as lame as this pointless paragraph.


Hey Diddle Diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The dish ran away with the spoon.
But it should have been a fork with the spoon instead.
Just in case you were curious.

Cabaret

I have always been a person who hangs on to the past; I don't forget things easily. It's not that I hold grudges - that's a lie, I kind of do - but sometimes I find that I live in the past. I love reminiscing with friends, I love memories, I love inside jokes, I love songs that spark "last summer" or "the roadtrip" or any memories like that, I love sentences that start with "remember when...", as long as it's in moderation; I find that it can be quite trying to have an entire conversation with someone and only bring up the past. That kind of tells you something about the friendship I think; maybe that you don't want to move forward? Or that you find it hard to move past the "old days". Anyways, I'm only skimming the surface of the memories that I have from these past two years and I'm sure that I will only continue to delve deeper, especially closer to September. Many of my friends will say that this it true about me and I agree...it's the fact that I have a hard time letting things go, things like feelings for another person, whether they be good or bad, things like emotions brought up by the past; I have a hard time moving on. I agree with this and often, it's annoying. Sometimes I wish that I would be able to let go of certain memories and just focus on what's to come, not what was, not what could be...only things that I know for sure. But that's impossible for me a lot of the time; it can be very hard for me to live in the moment. I know that I've brought up so many things over and over and over again [thanks for the years of putting up with it, JayJay] and that I seem to ask the same questions and bring up the same topics over and over, only to ask more questions and to even ask the same questions again and again just to make sure that I'm getting the right answer. I wish I could say that this blog is putting an end to all of that...well, it's not, sorry friends. The reason for this blog's title is because the thing that brought this all up in my head tonight was me watching some of our cabarets. I'm so proud of all of us. Man, I'm starting to miss it all again, and again, and again...[you and me, Jay? HELLO]. This blog rambles, like most of my blogs. And so, like most of my blogs, please feel free to comment...it would make my day. :)

I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to think more and more.
I'm confusing myself...very much so.
I hope I get some help figuring it all out. And soon.
Days go by...
[Think Full House theme song].
Just in case you were curious.

A Hard Day's Night

I am so tired...
I'm tired of thinking, tired of guessing, tired of being stressed out, tired of being worried, tired of confusing surprises (if I have to blog about that one more time, I'm going to scream), tired of being confused in general, tired of caring, tired of myself. I hate that I exhaust myself, get myself all worked up and then blog. I obviously don't hate it enough to stop doing it though, so deal with it. Greys, maybes, irregularities and lingering thoughts exhaust my days. I sometimes wish that it was black or white, yes or no, consistent and that there was a definite end in sight. (I'm not talking about an end to my days, I'm talking about an end to my confusion). I am not judging, I am not guessing, I am not jumping to conclusions; I'm still walking, but the ice is starting to melt. I can't help but think and re-evaluate. I can't help being worried. I can't help being scared. I can't help being skeptical; it's in my nature, I second guess situations all the time. "I have a hard time believing my good fortune"; I've said it before and I will say it again. Each time I say it though, it has a different twist; this time, it's less joyous and more worried. It's not my place and I am not pushing...I'm waiting...waiting for closure, whatever form it may take.
I want to talk.

Counting my till is one of my favorite things to do at work;
It reminds me of when I was a kid.
I used to be obsessed with cash registers.
The cash counter makes the same noises as one of my toys did.
I love it even more than my actual till.
Just in case you were curious.

Everywhere

I did a lot of thinking today; shocking, I know. I'm not entirely sure what brought it on though...maybe it's because it was my old best friend's birthday today (being the 12th) and it got me thinking about my old life. Hell, I even got out some old Vic tapes that I had made about behind the scenes at Garden, Music Man, Big Band Dinner Dance 2001...so many things. It's strange how much has changed since then, hairstyles included. I watched Cabaret videos tonight too though and it only reinforced how happy I am with my new life, my MacEwan life, the "suite life", if you will. We all need to stay in touch, that much I know for sure.
I also realized that I'm scared about the future; I am SO jealous of our first years because they still have this next year, the most amazing year of their school lives, even though they don't realize it yet because they haven't lived it yet. I know that they're all excited to go back, but they don't realize just how amazing this next year is, how swiftly it passes and how lucky they are to be going back. I'm scared...seriously. And I'm honestly not scared all that often because I'm usually one hell of an optimist. I really don't think that I got that Concrete Theatre job, just because of how stupidly swift the read was. I regret it. I almost regret doing it; they told me that they really liked me at Emerge, but I hated my audition for them. Maybe next year.
This sounds lame, but thank goodness for Starbucks. The partners at my store always light up my day...but that doesn't stop me from thinking...about a lot...2 months and 2 days for example (now I'm counting this blog as being on the 13th). You do the math. I wish the "2 months" part would disappear.

I am without a cell phone;
I lost it at Footloose (which was amazing, by the way).
I did get one drunken text on the 9th that surprised me though...
You're everywhere to me.
Just in case you were curious.

Elevator

My day of ups and downs...
The dread of going to my last shift.
Having Jocelyn Aulf call and ask me to be the Trophy presenter at the Sterlings.
Not being given back what I am always sure to give.
Another addition to the series of "surprises"...even though the "surprises" aren't happening in reality.
Driving to my last shift and dreading the night of work ahead of me.
Ending my last shift by having one of my co-workers distract me outside while we're taking out the garbage, only to have 2 of my other co-workers come up and plant whip cream and caramel sauce in my face, my hair, my hat...basically, whatever was in the path of destruction. Nothing like filling up a "to go" container with whip cream and caramel topping and then slamming it into my face to give me a nice boost on my last day of work. Apparently it's a "traditional Kelsey's going away" thing to do. It happened outside, in the dark, in the rain, and all I could do was laugh and laugh and laugh. My hair was sticky and I smelled like whipped cream on the drive home. It was worth it; it honestly gave me a great last memory. All of those hours in dish, making salads, burning myself on the deep fryer, trying to keep up, having to ask questions to bitchy girls in the back - this took all that away and just let me laugh at myself and at the guys. It gave me a fun last memory at the hell that became Kelsey's. Thanks Neil, Matt and Andre. I'll pay you back in 3 months...

In comedy, things always happen in 3's;
It somehow only proves to emphasize the comedy even more.
So, in my mind, good things happen in 3's.
Dreams, for example;
I've had 2, you've had 1.
A dream is a wish your heart makes.
Just in case you were curious.

Post Script...

I just realized that my blog is now in Starbucks colors.
Completely unintentional.
I think it's taking over my brain.
Just in case you were curious.

Heartbreaker

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's strange how awake I am; I've had a massive day, filled with excitement and laughing, which usually tires a person out. Not me, though...I live on it. I have to laugh and today, for some reason, I was especially in a laughing mood. It's a very good sign when you can't wait to get to work [I actually DO work...sheesh] because you're excited to see the people there and to end your day on a high note. Sometimes high notes get better though...work is always a great way to end the day [I'm talking Starbucks, not Kelsey's], but once in a while, there's a higher note to end your night with. I don't know if it's worse to see and hear what you can't have, or whether it's better to leave it. That's a lie...it's always better to connect. But, is it better to only seldomly connect, or to do it all the time? One would think that constant connection is the best...but it hurts more. The more you hear it, the more you see it, the more you realize you can't attain it; that it's far away in both time and in place. But the less you connect, the less you hear, the more scared and skeptical you get. Well, the more scared and skeptical I get, I should say. I've never believed that I am as lucky as I am; I have a hard time believing my good fortune. But I should stop second guessing, hey? I've been told, so I should listen. 10 more days of rain? Here's hopin.

Next time you go through a yellow light,
rub the back of your hand on the roof of the car 3 times.
It's good luck and I do it all the time.
It's just one more way to connect.
Just in case you were curious.

Stay Awake

Yes, yet another blog change. I'm not sure what brought this on...especially since I'm barely awake right now...but, I decided that the saying that you see under the picture is a very very true statement in my life. I know that I've said it before, in the blog right before this one, actually, but I will say it again. Everything happens all at once in my world; hardly anything happens over a long period of time. When something's going to happen to me, it happens as quickly and with as much force as possible.
I liked the picture too. Maybe it's because I like disecting pictures, words and sayings and trying to find how they can fit into my life, trying to decide what meanings they hold for me and how I can make them coincide with my feelings. This one does.I hope that you are able to make it fit into your life too. It's fun to do little things like that, I think - you are able to give even the simplest things meaning. It's like listening to a song when you're upset because it fits your mood - I do that with songs too, but also with pictures and with quotations. I like feeling attached.

I've been up since 7:30am.
I saw Janice's and Blake's shows today,
Then I went to work.
I'm tired.
Yay Starbucks.
Just in case you were curious.