Once Upon A Time...
...a girl ACTUALLY wrote in her blog. Well surprise! Yes, I'm actually updating. I figured that after 10 comments and almost 2 full months, it was about damn time, hey? But at least I got you all to comment.
In all honesty though, not much has happened in these past 2 months...which is why I haven't posted. Life is the same....still working at Starbucks, still being able to see all of my friends, although I'm finding that all of my friendships are getting stronger and stronger...all except one, and it's the one that I wasn't worried about. I gave up on the crush that I had, because it's me. I also gave up on my job at the gym because it was the most boring experience ever. Money is nice, yes, but I'm too young to just be worrying about that I think...so I'm glad that I'm full time at a job that I actually love. Umm...what else....I got called back to MacEwan to do a show with my first years for a week....and it was such an amazing week. I give that one week credit for bringing me back to all of those friends and making me closer with all of them. But other than that...nothing is really new. Which is the problem. It's not that I'm getting bored with my life right now because the freedom I have is fantastic....it's just that I want to feel like I'm going somewhere, making some sort of an impact and having some sort of direction. I knew this feeling would eventually happen, and now that it's here, I don't know what to do with it. I know that I need to do SOMETHING....I'm just not sure what. Someone said that I'm trapped here...and I agree. Trapped sounds harsh because it sounds like I'm being held against my will, which I'm not....but I have cornered myself in and I'm finding it very hard to explore my life. I don't know if I need to go away...I would like to, but I don't know if I need to as of yet. University could be the answer...even just to take my BA to get back into the swing of school and then decide from there. I think that even just being on campus would make me feel like I have a hope (no, I will not just wander campus with a backpack and not actually be going to the University...though I could...and that could be hilarious). I don't know...I think I miss school and structure - I have always loved structure. I think that might help me out.
That and I think I'm giving up on theatre. But that's a different post for a different time.
I'm actually learning new things everyday about myself, about my friends, about the past...things that make me both more and less comfortable all at the same time. Now explain that one to me. Maybe it's because I'm learning truths that I have disregarded for so long...disregarded or pushed aside, either one. It's making me realize things about the past more and more, which makes me more comfortable now. But at the same time, it makes me less comfortable because I wonder what else I'm missing, what else I've closed my eyes to and what else I have disregarded...disregarded or pushed aside, either one. The more you know, the more questions you have. That's what I believe anyways. Some people may see it that the less you know the more questions you have, but I think that if you have more background information, then you know what questions to ask...you know the right questions to ask, or at least, questions that will actually benefit your search for answers. You're able to delve deeper into the issues, rather than skim the surface with insignificant questions that won't really get you anywhere. So many questions, but they are ones that I feel I shouldn't ask. In some cases, the past is the past and what's the point of digging in the sand? Sometimes there's no point. But I'd still like to ask. I have so many questions for so many people...but again, a different post for a different time. See? I'm back...and rambling...and making no sense. I missed this thing. I love rambling. I'll try not to let it go so long between posts.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing who checks this thing still and who will be the first to read this lengthy Rachel post. Comment, bih-chuzz. And not just comments on how you've read this blog 15 times and I haven't updated. Make the comments as long as you want...ask me questions...give me your own insights. Lord knows my blogs are filled with my rambling, so fill your comments with your own rambles.
I hate winter because it makes my skin so dry.
My lips are dry.
Zincofax really isn't flattering.
From "Africa" to "Antarctica".
Oh this climate that we have.
We're awesome for putting up with it.
Just in case you were curious.
In all honesty though, not much has happened in these past 2 months...which is why I haven't posted. Life is the same....still working at Starbucks, still being able to see all of my friends, although I'm finding that all of my friendships are getting stronger and stronger...all except one, and it's the one that I wasn't worried about. I gave up on the crush that I had, because it's me. I also gave up on my job at the gym because it was the most boring experience ever. Money is nice, yes, but I'm too young to just be worrying about that I think...so I'm glad that I'm full time at a job that I actually love. Umm...what else....I got called back to MacEwan to do a show with my first years for a week....and it was such an amazing week. I give that one week credit for bringing me back to all of those friends and making me closer with all of them. But other than that...nothing is really new. Which is the problem. It's not that I'm getting bored with my life right now because the freedom I have is fantastic....it's just that I want to feel like I'm going somewhere, making some sort of an impact and having some sort of direction. I knew this feeling would eventually happen, and now that it's here, I don't know what to do with it. I know that I need to do SOMETHING....I'm just not sure what. Someone said that I'm trapped here...and I agree. Trapped sounds harsh because it sounds like I'm being held against my will, which I'm not....but I have cornered myself in and I'm finding it very hard to explore my life. I don't know if I need to go away...I would like to, but I don't know if I need to as of yet. University could be the answer...even just to take my BA to get back into the swing of school and then decide from there. I think that even just being on campus would make me feel like I have a hope (no, I will not just wander campus with a backpack and not actually be going to the University...though I could...and that could be hilarious). I don't know...I think I miss school and structure - I have always loved structure. I think that might help me out.
That and I think I'm giving up on theatre. But that's a different post for a different time.
I'm actually learning new things everyday about myself, about my friends, about the past...things that make me both more and less comfortable all at the same time. Now explain that one to me. Maybe it's because I'm learning truths that I have disregarded for so long...disregarded or pushed aside, either one. It's making me realize things about the past more and more, which makes me more comfortable now. But at the same time, it makes me less comfortable because I wonder what else I'm missing, what else I've closed my eyes to and what else I have disregarded...disregarded or pushed aside, either one. The more you know, the more questions you have. That's what I believe anyways. Some people may see it that the less you know the more questions you have, but I think that if you have more background information, then you know what questions to ask...you know the right questions to ask, or at least, questions that will actually benefit your search for answers. You're able to delve deeper into the issues, rather than skim the surface with insignificant questions that won't really get you anywhere. So many questions, but they are ones that I feel I shouldn't ask. In some cases, the past is the past and what's the point of digging in the sand? Sometimes there's no point. But I'd still like to ask. I have so many questions for so many people...but again, a different post for a different time. See? I'm back...and rambling...and making no sense. I missed this thing. I love rambling. I'll try not to let it go so long between posts.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing who checks this thing still and who will be the first to read this lengthy Rachel post. Comment, bih-chuzz. And not just comments on how you've read this blog 15 times and I haven't updated. Make the comments as long as you want...ask me questions...give me your own insights. Lord knows my blogs are filled with my rambling, so fill your comments with your own rambles.
I hate winter because it makes my skin so dry.
My lips are dry.
Zincofax really isn't flattering.
From "Africa" to "Antarctica".
Oh this climate that we have.
We're awesome for putting up with it.
Just in case you were curious.
posted by Rae at 11:50 PM
5 comments
