Over My Head
Alright...so I've done a lot of back-tracking in these past couple days and I haven't really bothered to mention it to anyone...so I figured, why not be an idiot and post it all? I'm not even sure who reads this thing anymore, so we'll see.
I've been re-thinking a lot of things in my life lately and I'm not really sure what brought it all on. Could be that I've been at the same job for 8 months and I'm starting to get bored. The fact that I didn't get the job from the Hotel MacDonald (I got a letter of "thanks but no thanks" the other day) kind of put a damper on my hopes of getting more money soon. It put a damper on being able to save more, on being able to move soon, maybe even on wanting to move soon. That last one's not entirely true, because I still do want to move. I'm just worried that the decision is coming too fast, or that it's not solid, or that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm doing it because I want to get away from here and I think it would be a crazy life change - and I'm ready for that! There are a lot of uncertainties with it though - what the near future may hold, what the "long term" future may hold and yes, I understand that we'll cross those bridges when we get to them, but because of those potential bridges, a lot of things go unsaid and therefore, the bridges become unstable. I love schedules and plans and SET plans; I like to know what's happening with my future, especially when such a huge change is at hand. A lot has to be discussed. A lot has to be brought up. A lot has to be settled. Clear the mind. It has to happen and it never does. But that's a different rant...
...and here it is....
Things going unsaid. One of my biggest pet peeves. Obviously, I'm not talking about cute things "going unsaid"...."I love you"...."you're my best friend"....yada yada...all of those mushy things that go unsaid are wonderful to me. But things that NEED to be talked about. Things that NEED to be discussed that never are...those are the ones that get on my nerves, and fast. It happens much too often and I am always the one waiting around. I'm always willing to talk, to discuss, to solve problems, because those things are important. I hate fighting about nothing and then not talking about what the real reason for the fight is. I hate having facades. I like real people, real talking, real fighting even, because sometimes it just has to happen. If it doesn't happen, then things get passed over, the don't get discussed and problems just get bigger and bigger and never have a resolution. I honestly wish that I could fight this one out, but both parties have to be willing to talk. Just because we said we would make time for it, does mean that we will make time for it.
These blogs are getting long, hey? Well, I'm known for long blogs and quite often, long and confusing blogs. This one isn't confusing...no hidden meanings. It's just quite the read...so thanks for sticking around.
I'm loving The Fray.
I haven't found a song I don't like yet.
That and they make a good blog title.
Just in case you were curious.
I've been re-thinking a lot of things in my life lately and I'm not really sure what brought it all on. Could be that I've been at the same job for 8 months and I'm starting to get bored. The fact that I didn't get the job from the Hotel MacDonald (I got a letter of "thanks but no thanks" the other day) kind of put a damper on my hopes of getting more money soon. It put a damper on being able to save more, on being able to move soon, maybe even on wanting to move soon. That last one's not entirely true, because I still do want to move. I'm just worried that the decision is coming too fast, or that it's not solid, or that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm doing it because I want to get away from here and I think it would be a crazy life change - and I'm ready for that! There are a lot of uncertainties with it though - what the near future may hold, what the "long term" future may hold and yes, I understand that we'll cross those bridges when we get to them, but because of those potential bridges, a lot of things go unsaid and therefore, the bridges become unstable. I love schedules and plans and SET plans; I like to know what's happening with my future, especially when such a huge change is at hand. A lot has to be discussed. A lot has to be brought up. A lot has to be settled. Clear the mind. It has to happen and it never does. But that's a different rant...
...and here it is....
Things going unsaid. One of my biggest pet peeves. Obviously, I'm not talking about cute things "going unsaid"...."I love you"...."you're my best friend"....yada yada...all of those mushy things that go unsaid are wonderful to me. But things that NEED to be talked about. Things that NEED to be discussed that never are...those are the ones that get on my nerves, and fast. It happens much too often and I am always the one waiting around. I'm always willing to talk, to discuss, to solve problems, because those things are important. I hate fighting about nothing and then not talking about what the real reason for the fight is. I hate having facades. I like real people, real talking, real fighting even, because sometimes it just has to happen. If it doesn't happen, then things get passed over, the don't get discussed and problems just get bigger and bigger and never have a resolution. I honestly wish that I could fight this one out, but both parties have to be willing to talk. Just because we said we would make time for it, does mean that we will make time for it.
These blogs are getting long, hey? Well, I'm known for long blogs and quite often, long and confusing blogs. This one isn't confusing...no hidden meanings. It's just quite the read...so thanks for sticking around.
I'm loving The Fray.
I haven't found a song I don't like yet.
That and they make a good blog title.
Just in case you were curious.
posted by Rae at 11:53 PM
1 Comments:
wow,
Ross here, its funny how i just know that Ive wanted to write/ say all that, but didnt know how. and bam there it is. I must be crazy, but so are you.
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